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The milk smells of the city, as does everything you touch here. The grime and the sweat of those that seek to be chewed up and spit out by this unforgiving city. That is what the milk smells of. Just like the rest of me.
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There are small, thin strands of saffron. They are the colour red in the cheaply made transparent plastic box. When added in milk just warm enough for your thumb nail to feel—the way lukewarm is described in these parts—they bleed yellow and smell of what I imagine the Valley must have tasted like before the guns and bombs and tears and cries began reverberating out to the rest of the world. It smells of happy memories with the dear friend who brought that saffron box back. We no longer speak, this friend and I. Women can be strange that way. Actually, everyone can be strange like that, sacrificing perfectly good relationships at the altar of misunderstandings, ill communications and ego trips and power trips. Human beings haven’t evolved much in that department, huh?
Hope dies every day. Just like it is born every day.
A whiff emanates also of the guns and arguments inside the heads of us that try to call this home, these people family, this life ours. Dirty secrets that we coat with red and yellow saffron strands, hoping the fragrance it collected from the Valley will mask the stench of unfairness. Red and yellow, dirty fellow. We used to say that as children. We said a lot of things as children. Maybe the children today say these things and similar things too. Maybe they make up silly ditties and sing them along loudly on bored afternoons, alone or with siblings or teaching them on to neighbor kids. Maybe they just stay home and watch television these days.
I add sugar, white sugar from a small tin box that once held white tea. The sugar is white because I cannot afford brown this month. I don’t eat sugar, not with my coffee, not with fruits; a kilo lies in a bottle for visitors, for their coffees and teas. I don’t use sugar, usually. And that is what I tell myself when I choose the white and not the brown from the supermarket shelf. It is only on rare days that I crave the white stuff, to take a handful of and swallow and choke down with water or just with spit, when all the clean living becomes a murder and a chore and it is all too much, too much. The city, the roads that lay about odd shaped and broken, they must emanate a dirty smell on such days. They must. If they did not, what other explanation would I have, for dropping the act and breaking my rule and swallowing sugar, that dirty, fattening stuff?
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