“Also we plan to be the first magazine in the country to initiate revolutionary changes in our spellings like Robindronath Thakur (if Kajol is Kajol and not Kajal, then why not the bard?”
I have a grouse against Didi. Being the harbinger of hope, of change, of development- sorry I can’t bend further- how could she allow the pronunciation of the name of my state to be brutalized? I already see my ‘non bong’ friends tripping on Paschimbanga (a friend even said banga like manga!). Moreover how could see plant an egg on the Times group’s ‘Only Bengal’ campaign? We, the sons of this soil, should not brook this travesty! At Kindle we are already planning a new movement! Our state should be spelt as Poschimbongo! Readers are invited to send in your poems, stories, songs etc invoking your Bongohood! Also we plan to be the first magazine in the country to initiate revolutionary changes in our spellings like Robindronath Thakur (if Kajol is Kajol and not Kajal, then why not the bard? Moreover when the government babus enjoyed their afternoon siestas after a hearty meal of chicken and rice on a holiday to ‘celebrate’ Thakur’s death anniversary, you might as well realize that the poet is ‘in’! Now all those wine glass wielding, Tagore spewing posh bongs draw some inspiration from neighbourhood after neighbourhood which only play the bard’s songs on any occasion from a football match to a picnic! Gone are the days of Bappi Lahiri and Pritam! So no puritan diatribe here please!). Thus in the forthcoming issues, if you see a preponderance of o’s, then do not panic over proofing errors! Just realize that Bongo is going up the pecking order!
From W to P is quite a journey after all… a journey of the soil, of sweat, of identity! Don’t you dare talk about Assam or Arunachal that are at the top of the alphabetical order but at the bottom of the development heap! Also do not dish out the dreary bureaucratic claptrap about meetings between the deputy chairperson of the Planning Commission and the Chief Minister of a state where the Centre loosens its purse strings as opposed to the National Development Council meetings where states speak in alphabetical order but just for form’s sake! You are just being cynical prudes! If Didi thinks that moving up the consonant’s ladder means more money for the State, so be it! And don’t even dare to compare her with Raj Thackeray (henceforth we will spell him as Thakre)! She has just changed the name of the state! The Gorkhas, Kamtapuris and other ‘fringe’ communities may have a problem with assimilation but has Didi resorted to physical assault?
Some more don’ts. Do not say that the Centre would keep pouring funds into the State as a compensation for Didi having kept mum through the serial scams of the UPA. What cheek! Do not even say that the State is bankrupt (only Didi gets to say that because after adding that rejoinder, she also more than doubles up the Pujo- mark the o- bonus of government employees) and so it does not make sense to incur the hefty administrative costs of a name change! Just remember, be that as it may! Now look at the sunny side. With this name, we do not negate our searing history of the Partition! All we insist is that the Bengali version of the name becomes the English version as well. Now, no interjections on cosmopolitan fabric of the society, please! Even if you have not read a line of Thakur (many do not even know that he wrote the national anthem, just check one of those MTV sexploitative reality shows!) and even if you do not swear by your fish, atleast Didi is giving you the opportunity to be Bangali ( no more Bengali in Kindle) by name! So grab the chance and wait with baited breath to see what more aces she’s got up her sleeve, err her jhola (which she affectionately calls Jongol Mohol)!
One more sunny side, in fact the sunniest side- The red dinosaurs (they still have the Unified Soviet map framed in their Party office) have agreed with Didi for once! The decision was arrived at after an earth shattering historic consensus! So bring out your bongos! Let’s party to some Thakur songs!
PS: As on 22nd August (the day I write this), some quarters are not happy with the word Paschim. They want to bury the painful past (as if a name change can bury the past!) and so they prefer Bongo or Bongobhoomi. I will not get into these permutations. I will also not conjecture about why the ‘Dalit queen’ from Uttar Pradesh is already not growling at being left at the bottom. She can resort to Ambedkar Pradesh. All I will say is, whatever name you give, atleast keep the o’s!
