For those of you choking on an overkill of 2G, ArvindKejriwal canvassing for the Right in his increasingly shrill trill, Pooja Mishra’s manicured tantrums on Bigg Boss (we came to know she was a VJ only on this show) or the revolutions on Twitter, Facebook or Wall Street, here are a few ‘news stories’ that you can chew on! And yes this is EXCLUSIVE in every sense of the term because not even ‘Your Channel’ will cover these! But thanks to some enterprising sources, Kindle remains miles ahead!
Bring together a flagging collective morale of the Grand Old Party and the Bhutan King’s wedding and you have the idea of the decade! Yes finally the most eligible bachelor of the country and Crown Prince Rahul Gandhi, in a press conference, attended only by the editors of the print and electronic media, has announced a nationwide hunt for brides! When one particular cocky editor asked whetherthis was a ploy to divert the nation’s attention from the series of scams and bring his party fl ock together, Rahul flashed a dimpled beatific smile and said, “Congress ka haath, aam aadmi ke sath.” Sources have confirmed that the hunt has already been launched and the person, who gets the best candidates, will be rewarded with the post of 10 Janpath’s gatekeeper. Meanwhile a scuffle has ensued between Mamata Banerjee and Pranab Mukherjee. While Pranab Babu insistson handpicking the nominees from Bengal, Didi has already spoken to Madam and sent 2 candidates, one from Jungle Mahal and the other from Gorkhaland. Moving north, at a statue unveiling ceremony in Bundelkhand (the entry fees will be used to irrigate the region to develop green cover for more Mayawati amusement parks), Mayawati has lambasted Rahul, daring him to marry a Dalit. Last heard, Rahul hadsent urgent dispatches soliciting entries from Vidarbha, Godhra, Kashmir, Bhopal and Jagatsinghapur, the site of the Posco plant.
After a weeklong maun vrat under a banyan tree, AnnaHazare has attained moksh and has refused to be a part ofthe rough and tumble of television crusades. So a 100 crore meditation centre is coming up on Ramlila Maidan whereAnna will impart lessons henceforth. A respected source in Team Anna has confi rmed that Arnab Goswami, afflictedwith hypertension, hypothyroidism and a perennially sorethroat, has already become a life member at the Centre, that is set to be consecrated in 2014. However Anna’s worldly interests will be looked aft er by Arvind Kejriwal and Kiran Bedi. They are set to launch a party, ‘Sara Desh Anna’, on theeve of the UP elections. Though both have refused to be a part of electoral politics, so far Chetan Bhagat has volunteered to fight on SDA’s ticket. For preparations, Bhagat is in someequatorial country roasting in the heat. Meanwhile Bedi has enrolled in Roshan Taneja’s acting class so that she canimpersonate the politicians better and entertain the people in the electoral rallies.
The Census Bureau has reported that 46.2 million people are below the official poverty line in our Father country, USA.A foreign correspondent who spoke to a Senate member, tells us that from the time this news came out, Obama’stear ducts have been working overtime. Alarmed, Michelle Obama has volunteered to do her bit. Starting next month 46 people from around the country will be given fresh green vegetables from her White House organic garden each day.And as with everything else with Obama, the choice of people will celebrate pluralism. While the opening day will see all awardees from the Wall Street protests, later Blacks,Hispanics, gays, the obese, diabetics, Muslims, the old and young will all find themselves chomping on the garden fresh Obama greens. An Oscar winning documentary filmmaker has been commissioned to make a film on these proceedings and the working title of the film is, ‘Hope floats’!
