Playing The Hangman

Prologue:

Months before Mohammad Afzal Guru was clandestinely hanged, I remember discussing him with a law student in my university hostel during midnight.

I was trying to educate her about the inadequacy of law and how it is used to suppress and silence Kashmir people. In her as-a-matter-of-fact-tone, she trashed everything, saying: “Woh tou Kashmir hai.”

Precisely!

When I told her, that India’s apex court had handed death to ‘satisfy the collective conscience’ of its people, I found myself debating not the hollowness of the remark, but the existence of the statement itself.

Till 4 am I kept leafing through history which the stewards of public memory have carefully chosen to erase. I talked about Gujarat, Manipur, Nagaland, Assam and Tamil Nadu. She not only seemed ignorant, but stubborn as well.

Amidst the discussion, I was only calculating the danger that state sponsored history can have on a young mind. I requested her to leaf through, not alternate history, but some facts on the issue. She remained stubborn.

My last statement, “India is a sham democracy.” Period.

She left and next day her friend told me: “She searched you on Google and read all your articles.”

A week later, she calls me an anti-Indian.

 ~

 Mad heart be brave—Aga Shahid Ali

On 9 February, at the crack of dawn, when faint light filtered through the curtains, I finally fell asleep.

Few hours later, when I woke up, I had missed many phone calls. My mother, few friends from Kashmir had called. It was unusual.

I have not seen a calendar in months. The calendar is mapped in my mind to a different scale (I still inadvertently refer to 2010— the year of uprising in which over 100 protesters and bystanders were killed— as last year). This calendar is perhaps informed by the history and memory of the place I come from.

I was unaware that this date—09.02.2013—will enter the calendar of my memory. I was gathering myself when a friend announced it over phone: “Afzal has been hanged”.

Next, Ami called: “We are under curfew. Be careful there. Don’t post anything on Facebook.”

I wasn’t shocked. Not even angry. A strange meaninglessness dawned upon me. I received a text from a friend informing me about a protest at Jantar Mantar against the hanging. My mind asked no questions. I began to ready myself.

As I opened the door of my hostel room, I wondered, very foolishly, how and why everything around me could carry itself with the usual rhythm and pace. Afzal’s death was a deep personal loss, I realised. I felt its weight. The journey to Jantar Mantar took longer than usual— both in my mind and otherwise. The auto-rickshaw developed a snag, but I managed to reach somehow. The road leading to the venue was blocked. The driver remarked, “Yahan tou kuch na kuch hota hi rehta hai.” He stopped few meters away.

As I walked closer, I recognised no faces. I saw many groups of protestors—seeking Gorkhaland, capital punishment to the rapists, a pack shouting for road widening.

I walked further and saw a small pool of familiar faces. I identified the burden etched in these taut faces. As we looked at each other, my sense of personal loss became collective. I was petrified, but testifying. From other end I could hear “Bharat Maata ki Jai” slogans. I looked around and saw people celebrating Afzal’s hanging. So it was these people whose conscience was satisfied, I thought.

Other than on TV, I had never seen Bajrang Dal activists—with their saffron scarves and vermillion smeared foreheads—in my life. In Kashmir, where I grew up, there were only men in uniform whose bloodshot eyes terrified me.

Suddenly, I found myself and our small group trapped within a large circle of poking cameras, police and rightwing goons who were trying to fill easy gaps. I hadn’t anticipated this!

We were outnumbered. Now that we were in the middle of this perfect representation of the State, I got a chance to know it better.

The goons from the Hindu nationalist parties provoked us. They hurled abuses and booed. They tore our placards and threw mud. Then they assaulted us.

The goons tore a placard which my Indian friend, who had come to express solidarity, was holding. But, slogans of azadi reverberated!

Our group was being continuously pushed by police and behind them the Bajrangis. The onlookers also joined in the abuses and jeers. The ultra-nationalistic fervor of other group of protestors rose and they backed the Bajrangis in their attack against hardly 30 of us—who were reminding Indian state of its gross error. They forced us to split but we re-grouped. This happened many times till the police arrested most of us while few ran for safety. I saw one of my colleagues being dragged by goons. They kicked, hit him with stones and beat him to pulp. The goons thus sabotaged the peaceful protests and ironically, the police cracked down on us.

Just because I wear a head scarf like many of my friends there, they gazed and shouted: “Pakistaniyon, Antakwadiyon”. For media it was another occasion to telecast their jingoistic voyeurism. I heard a cameraman shouting Bharat Mata ki Jai. Most were laughing and enjoying the spectacle. Another TV reporter asked me: Madam aap hindi mein baat karein gi ya … I just snapped back.

I remember asking my friends to make a human-chain. But police started dragging us towards their van. I tried pulling my friends out but lost grip. I ran. Suddenly, I found myself alone. I didn’t know what to do. Should I stop or run?

I saw Sanjay Kak— a Kashmir documentary filmmaker— at a distance and ran towards him. He looked dumbfounded. I asked him frantically, what we should do. The goons ‘identified’ him—yeh bhi hai— and assaulted him.

I ran again as goons chased me. I saw a friend, attending to his wound, at a distance. As I was running, I was calculating the distance. I have to reach that point, I told myself. I called out to him. I remember him saying, “Run as fast as you can.” A goon appeared right in front and held my friend by his collar. He freed himself and we ran all the way to the platform of a nearby metro station.

My feet and clothes were covered with mud. I wasn’t able to come to terms with the happenings. Perhaps, not still. I couldn’t help but think about the Gujarat pogrom. All those images came to life.

At the metro station, I started calling my friends and was told twenty one amongst us were detained. As I was standing on the platform, each passerby appeared to me, as if waiting to attack.

 

~

I write therefore I am. I have been writing stories of people in Kashmir. Every time, I feel the guilt of having a vantage of writing people’s stories— the weight of their secrets, their ordeal. I went to Jantar Mantar not as a spectator. But to remind and remember!

It is important for a writer to connect to the movement on the street. Nobody is privileged in struggle, in war. We all lose. We all fight. Words lose their meaning, their weight if we don’t stand for what we write. That day, I robbed myself of the vantage and that was comforting.

When pictures of the protest floated it made me uncomfortable as it was against my politics of collective. Moreover, it isn’t easy to look at the pictures where your emotions perhaps become a public memory.

Seeing these pictures in continuum with thousands of pictures from Kashmir, I have seen in the comfort zone of my sitting room— of women wailing and protesting, their clenched fists in air, of boys protesting— I was robbing myself of that privilege. In struggles we reflect each other.

Emotions are sacred, essential too. We many times can’t stop from expressing them. Emotions like protest are fluid.

They flow. They show.

But, in no way should our emotions be equated with victimhood. Our women and men don’t live in ‘victimhood’ contrary to the prevalent discourse. We remember. We resist. We fight.  Every strategy breeds from emotions. In struggles—anger, fear, sorrow, laughter—translate into resistance.

In the evening, when we gathered, our conversation was filled with news from home, anger, disgust. Also, with mad laughter. We laughed at us and everything and everyone. It felt absurd for a moment.

Amidst all this, only our defiance was pronounced. The bullies could only go so far!

˷

Epilogue:

I wasn’t born when Mohammad Maqbool Bhat was hanged. I had not even seen his picture. Though, in my history textbook there was a picture of Bhagat Singh. And in my head I had likened him to Maqbool.

When we were children, among other passions like collecting used bullets, making wooden toy-guns, we would play this game—catch each other unawares and put a cloth or a plastic bag over the other’s head and hold it for sometime before the other person retorted. It was meant to be the hangman’s ‘black cloth’.

I would scream the moment I would have an inkling that somebody behind me is ready to play the hangman. For a person to be hanged, I always thought, the most difficult moments would be when breathing within that enclosed space— in the black cloth.

I remember, talking endlessly with my brothers, about what it meant to be hanged and what it was like to be a hangman—his dilemma. A popular childhood slogan was ‘sar kata sakte hain lekan sar jhuka sakte nahe’—a heroic display of our resolve.  We would chant this when we would enter into a brawl and would ask the other to ‘surrender’.

As we grew, the enclosed space within this black cloth encompassed our lives and manifested itself in life around. I no longer screamed but found comfort in closed spaces.

We have lost passion for the game!

Years later when was Afzal is hanged, my childhood thoughts about the person’s last moments within the black cloth came to life again. However, as the hangman’s (referring to the State) face is clearly outlined, there is no question about the dilemma.

Uzma Falak was born in Srinagar. She recently completed her MA in Mass Communication from AJK MCRC, Jamia Millia Islamia, New Delhi. Besides writing for various Kashmir-based publications, she writes for New Internationalist, London. She explores memory through photography and poetry and has a deep interest in memorabilia and objects as they exist interacting with space and time.

9 Comments

  • Reply December 20, 2025

    Online Casino Deutschland

    Hier haben wir das meiste und das Beste über Deutschlands beste Glücksspielseiten, Wetten, Handyspiele, Promotionen und vieles mehr zusammengestellt.

    Wer noch mehr über alle Ecken und Kanten der Gaming-Branche erfahren möchte, kann das auf dieser Seite tun, sie bietet viele Details und Erfahrungen, beantwortet Fragen. Die Hände des Dealers bei
    der Live Tischspiele müssen jederzeit sichtbar sein und das Deck
    sollte vollständig sichtbar mit den Händen oder
    einem Mischer gemischt werden. Im folgenden Text gehen wir alles durch, was mit Live-Wetten online zu tun hat.

    Zugegeben, beste deutsche Online Casinos können heute die Atmosphäre, die in einem klassischen Land-Casino vorherrscht, nicht vollständig nachbilden,
    aber mit der Live-Gaming-Funktion haben Casinos besonders einen langen Weg zurückgelegt.
    Glücksspiele gehören dem Online Casino selbst nicht, Spielhallen vermieten diese sozusagen.
    Von Kredit- und EC-Karten über E-Wallets bis zu Instant-Banking sollten alle Vorgänge mit SSL-Verschlüsselung sicher, schnell und für Anfänger, Gelegenheitsspieler und
    High Roller einfach ablaufen. In vielen deutschen Online
    Casinos und Spielotheken im 2025 steht für
    neue Spieler eine große Anzahl an Zahlungsmethoden zur Verfügung.
    Neben dem Willkommensbonus und Reload Bonus erhalten Spieler
    oft Cashback-Angebote, die in vielen Online Casinos und Spielotheken mit deutscher Lizenz verfügbar sind.

    References:
    https://online-spielhallen.de/lex-casino-promo-code-ihr-schlussel-zu-exklusiven-vorteilen/

  • Sie erhalten die Erstattung in der Regel bei Abreise.
    Schreiben Sie uns Ihre E-Mail und ein Agent wird Ihnen die beste Option für Ihre
    Suche bieten Sowohl Anfänger als auch erfahrene Taucher kommen hier auf ihre Kosten, denn
    das Center bietet Kurse und Tauchgänge für jedes Niveau an.
    Echte chinesische Küche mit Rezepten aus verschiedenen chinesischen Provinzen wird hier kunstvoll zubereitet.

    Im Gegensatz zu vielen kleineren Buchten ermöglicht der Beau Vallon Beach das Ausüben verschiedener
    Wassersportarten. Gerne bieten wir Ihnen auch eine Auslandskrankenversicherung oder
    auch Komplettpakete an. Weiterhin haben Sie natürlich jederzeit das
    Recht von einer Buchungsanfrage zurückzutreten, falls die angebotenen Hotels/Gästehäuser/Yachten etc.
    nicht verfügbar sind. Das liegt daran, dass die Unterkünfte vor Ort auch eigenständig Zwischenbuchungen annehmen können, und sich auch die Flugpreise
    und Flugplatzverfügbarkeiten ständig ändern können. Da wir Angebote individuell und auf Basis von Echtzeit-Preisen erstellen, können sich
    diese je nach Verfügbarkeit oder Nachfrage schnell ändern. Entdecken Sie, was
    SeyVillas alles zu bieten hat und machen Sie sich bereit für die Reise Ihres Lebens!

    Unsere Unterkunftspreise sind die günstigsten, die Sie online finden können. SeyVillas bietet
    eine Bestpreis-Garantie (bis Buchungsabschluss).
    Wir bieten eine große Auswahl an Unterkünften in jeder
    Preisklasse. Zusätzlich sind Sie rechtlich gegen die Insolvenz sowohl
    des Reiseveranstalters als auch jedes einzelnen Dienstleisters der Pauschalreise, sowie der vermittelten Leistungen, die als verbundene Reiseleistung zählen,
    geschützt.

    References:
    https://online-spielhallen.de/lapalingo-casino-auszahlung-alles-was-sie-wissen-mussen/

  • On 5 August 2014, Crown bought the site of the New Frontier
    Hotel and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip for $280 million with the intent to build a new hotel beginning in 2015.
    However, when a new government took office, President Maithripala Sirisena cancelled all three casino licenses awarded by the previous
    administration; including the Crown Resorts project.
    Complimentary wireless internet, tea, coffee and soft
    drinks are included with Crystal Club throughout your stay.
    If there isn’t a room available at your time of arrival
    you will still be able to register for your room and we will securely store your
    luggage for you. With polished interiors, high ceilings and the utmost
    attention to detail, allow yourself to be whisked away to a world of sparkling
    champagne, concierge services, complimentary breakfast on the outdoor terrace and evening canapes.
    Experience personalised service like no other at the exclusive Crystal Club.

    For any modifications or changes toexisting
    bookings, please refer to your confirmation email for simpleadjustment options.
    Pleasebe advised that all Crown restaurants reservations are
    available exclusivelythrough our website.
    Discover all the finer details to make your time at Crown Melbourne seamless and enjoyable.

    Standard rates apply thereafter for additional guests.
    Cancellations for bookings must be cancelled prior to 6pm on the day prior to arrival to
    avoid forfeiture of the full fee of one (1) night and applicable tax.
    Blackout periods or limited availability may apply to special event
    periods and public holidays. Complete with overnight
    accommodation, breakfast for two and late check-out at
    12pm, this package offers you the perfect inner city escape.
    Make the most of your Melbourne holiday experience by
    booking one of our unique accommodation packages and let us
    take care of the rest. In July of 2025, the Gaming and Wagering Commission of Western Australia recommended
    that Crown Perth keep its gaming license after adequate
    remedial efforts were made to make the casino compliant with government gaming regulations.

    References:
    https://blackcoin.co/ax99-casino-australian-real-money-gaming-hub/

  • Modern online casino companies know the market and their customer base well enough to make things as accessible as humanly possible.
    In fact, when the first Australian online casino site came to be, mobile phones could barely even connect to the Internet, let alone handle online casino
    slots. Suffice it to say that we are now getting quite deep in the weeds with our best
    online casino Australia reviews. Each game supplier out there has its own idea of what online pokies should look like.

    In the table below you find some of the most popular casino game providers in Australia and also see how many casinos are connected with them.

    The Alderney Gambling Control Commission is a mouthful to
    pronounce, and quite a handful for online casinos to please when it comes
    to satisfying gambling standards for a license.
    It is a trusted partner of the international iGaming community and
    manages dozens of leading online casinos Australia offers.

    Canada’s Mohawk territory is paradise
    for live poker fans, but if you’re based in Australia, you’ll have to make do
    with online casinos operating under its license.

    Dive into the ultimate real money casino Australia app
    experience with our guide to mobile gaming!
    Similar to PayPal, widely used in legitimate online casinos
    for quick transactions. Popular for online casino Australia real money
    easy withdrawal. The comparison below highlights the best AUD casino real money offers,
    making it easier to choose where to play and win. Every platform
    listed here is a legitimate online casino Australia players can rely on, backed by licenses from trusted
    regulators like the Malta Gaming Authority (MGA) or Curacao eGaming.

  • Reply December 27, 2025

    Casino NSW tourism

    The table game world is where all started, and it would be hard
    to imagine online gambling without some top quality real money casino games and live dealer games like Blackjack,
    Baccarat, Roulette, Craps, and Video Poker. We analyzed the software, the games
    & slots, the bonuses, the customer support
    service, and the withdrawal processes of each
    of the top online casinos you can see below.
    Our best online casinos guide lists the best places you can play real money blackjack right now
    and also where to play if you’re not based in a location that
    currently allows licensed gambling.
    Simply put, there’s no shortage of extraordinary content, just like
    you are accustomed to in your online social casino. And that’s just one
    of many specials our free online social casino has in store
    for you. With four years of experience in casino and sports,
    he’s a trusted authority on English-language casinos and currently leads our US team.
    If you’re new to online roulette, it’s best
    to start with the simpler European or American varieties.
    Make sure to check your local regulatory requirements before you choose to play at any casino listed on our site.
    With so many casinos to choose from, it’s important to do your research and find one that suits your needs.

    You can also get 100% of your first deposit matched up
    to a maximum amount of $1,000. Available
    in NJ, PA, MI, and WV, Caesars Palace Online
    Casino is providing a classy, unique casino experience with their app-based platform.
    Welcome to the most extensive list of the Best Real Money Online
    Casinos available to play today! You can learn more from
    our article about roulette rules, odds, and bets.
    However, there may be some special rules in place that
    can change some aspects of the game. After that, you wait for the outcome of a roulette wheel spin.

    References:
    https://blackcoin.co/where-luxury-meets-excitement-pullman-reef-hotel-casino/

  • Perhaps I am of median height, but one should always try a car out
    for size. The “regular car feel” continues with the conventional dashboard layout,
    as opposed to the MPV-style central meter position of the old Alza.
    So, we’ve established that the Alza is a great family car, but you – the driver – are not forgotten.
    Crown Casino Melbourne is one of the most iconic entertainment destinations
    in the Southern Hemisphere, offering an exceptional variety of gaming options
    under one roof. From 2,500+ pokies to high-stakes poker and VIP rooms, Crown delivers
    the ultimate gaming experience. Relax and unwind in our generous Villas with
    private Butler service, magnificent Melbourne views and elegant living and dining
    spaces.
    The Alza’s rear quarters is where it sets itself apart from passenger cars or small SUVs in the price bracket.
    Whichever way you look at it, the Alza is plenty of modern car for the money.
    The same can be said of the Veloz, of course, but at RM95k, it’s less of a value proposition.
    P1’s cheapest car with ADAS is the X50 Flagship, yours for RM113,300.

    The Veloz is priced at RM95k, which means that
    the gap between it and the top Alza – both made
    in the same Perodua factory – is RM20k, a rather big premium for cars below
    RM100k.

    References:
    https://blackcoin.co/best-skrill-casinos-for-uk-players/

  • Reply December 29, 2025

    cpc.managementdu.ac.bd

    mobile casino paypal

    References:
    cpc.managementdu.ac.bd

  • Reply February 25, 2026

    Pierre Kerzman

    Everything is very open and very clear explanation of issues. was truly information. Your website is very useful. Thanks for sharing.

  • Reply March 2, 2026

    Rudy Loewer

    F*ckin’ awesome things here. I am very glad to see your post. Thanks a lot and i’m looking forward to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

Leave a Reply