Woman…woman…woman…
Very good, disloyal, loyal, this and that, and god knows what else.
In every country and in every age, great thinkers have put forward some opinion or the other about woman. If one gentleman emphasizes her beauty, another insists on focusing on her purity and chastity; if there is one who seems to think that “a woman’s status is next to God’s,” there is another who is bent on turning her into “Satan’s aunt”. One particular gentleman alleges that “a deceitful woman is more dangerous than a deceitful man”. This is like saying that a black woman is darker than a black man. What a grand pronouncement this is, enough to make one dance with joy, and if I were not a woman myself and hadn’t been baffled by these declarations, I would kiss the face of the person who uttered them. It is interesting that women have not come up with dictums regarding men the way men have about them.
The problem is that these illogical proclamations have left us completely bewildered. Men said “man is cruel,” and woman quietly submitted to oppression. Men said “a woman is faint-hearted,” and she proceeded to exhibit terror even at the sight of a mouse. Then, men proclaimed, “If necessary a woman can sacrifice her life,” and she sacrificed her life in a flash.
Everyone repeatedly extols a woman’s maternal instincts; no one makes a noise about a man’s paternal instincts. A woman’s honour can be ravaged, a man’s can’t. Perhaps a man has no honour that can be plundered.
Everyone repeatedly extols a woman’s maternal instincts; no one makes a noise about a man’s paternal instincts. A woman’s honour can be ravaged, a man’s can’t. Perhaps a man has no honour that can be plundered. A woman can have an illegitimate or legitimate child, a man has nothing.
For centuries thinkers have tried to confound women by making these ridiculous accusations. Either they lift her up to the skies or they fling her into the mud, but they are afraid of allowing her to stand alongside them. They may turn her into a goddess or a heavenly creature, but they are ashamed to call her a friend or a companion.
I don’t know whether all this arises from a sense of inferiority or whether it’s a distortion. After all, why are men scared of equality with women? They are also human beings. Why do they experience such discomfort when sitting next to them? Can they not forget for a moment that equality does not have to be equated with inferiority? Everyone knows that a woman can only be a mother, daughter, wife and daughter-in-law; she cannot be father, son, husband or brother. Then why do men repeatedly announce these rules to declare her purpose in life? Is it because a woman does not know that she is one and has to be constantly reminded of it? Or is it that men realize that to be a mother and a wife is like chewing marbles, which is why it is ingrained in woman that this is her goal in life and she ought to be proud of it, and this is the most favorable role one can have! Someone should explain to men that the wretched woman has never denied this role. Who ever said to the men, “Come sir, bear children and nurse them?” Then why the need to reiterate this fact over and over again?
When a woman is widowed, her bangles are shattered. No one ever thought of shattering a man’s watch, spectacles or huqqah when he becomes a widower. A woman is compelled to change her mode of dress and if she dons a colourful dupatta or slips bangles on her wrist, people will be devastated. It is only men who continue to walk around suited and booted, wearing an achkan and angarkha even as widowers. How cruel that a widower is not required to mourn even as a formality. Although there are men and women who do not truly grieve, women are the ones who are expected to make an elaborate show of their mourning.
A gentleman states, “A woman’s glory is that the world should be unaware of her. Her husband’s love is her greatest treasure, and her small family is her world.”
I say, sir, if a woman achieves fame, is it your share of fame that she has snatched? It’s god’s gift, why are you troubled by it? What pettiness! If anyone, man or woman, does something of import in life, how can that be a blot on anyone’s honour? If a man’s fame does not reduce a man’s honour, why does a woman’s fame bore into his greatness like a worm?
As soon as a male is born, it is whispered in his ear that he is superior. And look at his naïveté—he actually believes that he is better than the most able woman in the world. Just because he is a man! And so when he gets a woman who is better educated than he is and more intelligent than him, he hates her.
It’s all right if a wife is completely illiterate and ignorant. But all hell breaks loose if a husband is less educated than his wife, because in this situation a great thinker’s pronouncement is threatened. Dr Naidu felt embarrassed when he was referred to as Mrs. Sarojini Naidu’s husband. Millions of women live as their husbands’ wives and feel no sense of inferiority. As soon as a male is born, it is whispered in his ear that he is superior. And look at his naïveté—he actually believes that he is better than the most able woman in the world. Just because he is a man! And so when he gets a woman who is better educated than he is and more intelligent than him, he hates her. Because at this point he is unable to deceive himself. Can my cook be superior to Madame Curie simply because be belongs to the race of men which has usually been regarded as better than women? If you don’t believe me, ask your washerman. He’ll tell you, a woman can never be equal to a man.
Another gentleman says, “If a woman’s heart is cut open you will see nothing except patience, fortitude, endurance, hidden sacrifices, and camouflaged abilities.”
This is the limit. I asked a doctor and he said, “The heart of a woman and the heart of a man have the same structure and no silly, idiotic things come out of any heart.” Here’s more. The same doctor sahib continues. “A woman does not have a more expansive heart than a man. All this is dependent upon one’s temperament. Education has the same effect on a man and a woman.”
To men I say, “You would be well advised to think straight. It would be better for you if you didn’t claim that you know women very well. Why, your own secrets may be revealed inadvertently.”
A fellow says, “When a baby nurses at its mother’s breast for the first time, the mother turns red and becomes tremulous with joy.” Women know immediately that the speaker is a man and whatever he has written is hearsay. Certainly this gentleman himself has never nursed a child and doesn’t know how painful it is for the mother when an infant first nurses at her breast. If the mother turned red and trembled, it definitely could not have been the tremor of love and exultation; her colour must have changed because she was in pain. I have to say this because men keep hammering away at ridiculous clichés of this nature. They don’t pause to think for a minute that women are no longer, as they are fond of saying, just women. Their awareness has increased. They will no longer succumb to the sentimentality inherent in these stereotypes.
To men I say, “You would be well advised to think straight. It would be better for you if you didn’t claim that you know women very well. Why, your own secrets may be revealed inadvertently. Anyway, how do you have time to get into these arguments about who is superior and who is inferior?”
Differences related to gender, colour and race are rapidly being eradicated. The world is advancing with great speed toward trade and industry. The demand for labour is increasing daily. Women have to lend a hand in every sector. Despite a thousand mechanical inventions for the home, the western woman is forced to make a living. Because of this men have a share in domestic chores and the raising of children. If the wife washes the plates, the husband dries them. If the wife makes the beds, the husband prepares the milk bottles for the baby and feeds it. They make breakfast together, get the children ready for school, and then leave for work themselves. The woman who doesn’t work doesn’t stay at home and gossip all day. She does the laundry, irons clothes, and buys household rations. If she has time she also works at a part-time job. And despite all this the needs of the family are not met in their country.
The wife should nurse her femininity at all cost, even though the children feel ashamed because they can’t pay the school fees and the baniya refuses to lend any more money to the husband. But because some old sage has said, “A woman’s world is her home” women will rigidly follow this axiom and stay and home and play house.
In the meantime, men in our country are herding women along, using cumbersome slogans as sticks. No matter how hard up they are, the wife should stay put, installed as a decoration for the home. Toiling ceaselessly, the husband can turn into a spinning wheel, but his honour should not sustain a blow. The wife should nurse her femininity at all cost, even though the children feel ashamed because they can’t pay the school fees and the baniya refuses to lend any more money to the husband. But because some old sage has said, “A woman’s world is her home” women will rigidly follow this axiom and stay and home and play house.
The most golden of maxims that has been issued are related to women’s chastity and purity.
It has been said, “A woman has been created in such a way by nature that she can love only one man and it is for him that she sacrifices herself.”
And man?
“A man’s disposition is characterized by change and he is constantly drawn to new women.”
Times are changing, and the changes being wrought are not about to be halted by these clichés. Life’s values, good or bad, are seeking a new direction. No matter how much we groan, how much we protest, circumstances are not going to allow women to stay peacefully at home.
My dear sir, who was it that imparted this information to you? It is obvious that a woman’s disposition has also been moulded according to your purpose so that you can engage in randibaazi and calmly place all the blame for it on “disposition”. Also, so that you may shackle your wife’s feet and prevent her from engaging in any act that is contrary to nature, making eyes at the neighbour for example, an act that would cause her to lose her fine feminine sensibility. To make matters worse, men have dragged nature into this conspiracy as well, although this ploy has never proved successful. When women wanted to make eyes at someone, men didn’t get a whiff of what was going on and they continued to believe that women were righteous and chaste. This is their disposition, they told themselves, what’s there to fear? But someone should ask them, who told you that a woman loves only once?
All this constitutes false hope. Times are changing, and the changes being wrought are not about to be halted by these clichés. Life’s values, good or bad, are seeking a new direction. No matter how much we groan, how much we protest, circumstances are not going to allow women to stay peacefully at home. We have to think that when we are forced to send our sisters, daughters and mothers to work alongside men, what kind of training and education are they going to need? Are we going to continue advising them to be bashful and modest, drowned in a sea of femininity as ancient custom demands, or will we explain to them that when they go to work they shouldn’t take their femininity and coquettish ways with them? We should tell them, “Accomplish your task not on the basis of your femininity but with hard work. It is better if your co-worker is not constantly reminded of the fact that you are a woman; rather, he should work with you as if you are only a co-worker. After all, he is a man and you are a woman. Don’t make him conscious of this fact; then both of you can concentrate on your work instead of being distracted by undue attention to each other.”
In the West women work alongside men, but they make far too much noise about their femininity. They constantly apply makeup, fix their hair and employ all kinds of ploys advertised for them in magazines and newspapers to get a date. There are thousands of cosmetics and perfumes advertised merely to help women entrap men. Women have also been made to feel that their only purpose in life is to find someone who will love them, marry them, and give them children. But how many women use the prescriptions provided for them in magazines and succeed in fulfilling their dreams? Many just succeed in seducing men and then turning into victims themselves. These are women who spend their lives waiting for a prince form fairyland. Is it surprising that in a country where women are so disturbed in their thinking and so helpless, young boys are becoming teddy boys [a term used in the sixties for teenagers, wayward by Ismat’s standards] and girls boldly flaunt their femininity?
In Russia I saw women working in every field. No one was wearing makeup and nobody sported a styled hairdo. Most of them were dressed in uniforms like the men and often were indistinguishable from them. They looked just like the men. I didn’t like this at all; I felt that femininity was being annihilated.
In Russia I saw women working in every field. No one was wearing makeup and nobody sported a styled hairdo. Most of them were dressed in uniforms like the men and often were indistinguishable from them. They looked just like the men. I didn’t like this at all; I felt that femininity was being annihilated. When I mentioned my concern to the person with me she said, “We don’t want workers to express their femininity or masculinity when work is in progress.”
“Why? The workers will become machines then.”
“That’s even better. Do you regard the machine as an inferior thing? A machine created with hands is no less sacred than a piece of sculpted stone. And if that stone listens to us then these machines are also our gods. They are more precious to us than cows and oxen because we have created them ourselves with great love. If we become like them and work honestly and fairly, the purpose of our lives will be fulfilled. They are neither males nor females among these machines. In the same way the hands that run them have no gender, they are all workers, they are all machines…”
Now that we know that if not today then certainly tomorrow women will have to work alongside men, we will have to forget the old customs and rules and create new rules.
But at a reception that night I saw all the machines come to life. All the demands of life and humanity were being heartily fulfilled. In the factory there was a machine for smelting ore and a steel rolling machine and here there was Misha and there was Natasha. There I had seen a machine in which mechanical parts were cast and here there were Yuri and Vera.
But in the Bolshoi Theater Yuri’s arm was around Nadya’s waist and Natasha was busy shooting arrows into Romanoff’s eyes with her intoxicating gaze. If a woman expresses her femininity at the proper occasion then she looks good. But what is this trudging to offices, colleges and government departments with her baggage of femininity clutched under her arm?
Now that we know that if not today then certainly tomorrow women will have to work alongside men, we will have to forget the old customs and rules and create new rules:
- In college and in school you are neither mother, daughter, nor beloved. You are only a student and those around you are fellow students and professors.
- In the offices you are neither faithful nor faithless. Concentrate on your work and forget all your coquetry.
- The people sitting around you are human beings, they are not men or women, they are officers or clerks. This is a table and this is a chair and this is the steward. You are neither weak nor strong, you are neither the weaker sex not the tougher sex. Your job is what you get paid for. Until you change your profession, consider yourself born for this purpose alone. There is no need to ensnare a husband or wife here. You are here only to work. Don’t take advantage of anyone’s physical or mental weakness or strength and do not cause anyone any harm.
- Marriage is not your only goal, because to be married is not to arrive at your destination. Making a marriage work is the long road you must consider.
But Gurudev says, “O woman—you are half real and half fantasy!”
If someone had consulted his respected wife she would have said that Gurudev himself was a complete fantasy and an extremely beautiful realization of that fantasy as well!
But, “women are not prophets,” “women are not God’s messengers,” “women are not saints.”
Then why doesn’t someone get up and proclaim that “women are not women.”
(Translated by Tahira Naqvi)
Sumeet Pareek
Ismat ji bohot achaha likhti hain, aur aap ne bohot achcha translate kiya hai. Badhai.
Woman pe jaisa likha hai, wo waisa kyon likha hai? Woman pe jo kaha hai, wo waisa kyon kaha hai? Usse pehle ek sawal yeh uthna chahiye ke – Why in the first place men write and say things (or try to write and say things) about women?
Ek kissa share karta hun –
Kuch dino pehle, uber drive pe, meri ek mohtarma se unke doh saal ke bete ke baare mein baat ho rahi thi. Unhone interesting baat kahi – “2nd year of a child is really the torturous twos.. it is the time when those little things are experiencing this entire world.. and they come to you and try to explain and express all of it.. they just want to.. but they have no way to really do so.. and I can understand and sense that struggle..”
On similar lines, mujhe lagta hai sexes ke beech ki eternal chemistry saare humans experience karte hain (men and women), par express nahi kar paate. Kuch logon ke experiences, interpretations aur expressions ka combination aisa hota hai ke aap ke dil ko chu jaaye. Kuch logon aisa, jiski iss essay ne jam kar dhulai ki hai. Karni bhi chahiye.
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